Have you ever heard the saying “When you only have a hammer everything looks like a nail”? I’m not sure where it came from, but we all probably know a few people that fit this description. As I considered Fathers Day and all that my Dad meant to me, how much I miss him and some of his quirks I thought of this quote. My kids may see me the same way. In some ways, I hope they do.
First, let’s talk about using the right tool for the job in the literal sense. I’m kind of a tool nut. If there’s a particular tool or a better tool to accomplish a job I want it. It’s a learned response to doing things the wrong way, knocking the skin off my knuckles or breaking something important by using the wrong tool countless times.
After a few scrapes, it dawns on me that it’s very likely someone has already thought of a better way and that there is undoubtedly a tool made especially for this. Once I have the tool, have watched a couple of youtube videos, gave it a try, and then it works I’m like, Ahh, the relief, the elation, the almost overwhelming sense of accomplishment. And even though someone else blazed this trail, I get to revel in their genius, stand back and look at what I have done as if it were all me.
And though I may not use that tool again for years, I’ve learned a new skill, and I know that I have it in my toolbox if that situation arises again.
But if all I have is a hammer, watch out! I’m gonna drive some nails or damage something beyond repair.
Years ago I set out to build steps for our little house. The steps were going to be a rustic style, made from timbers, and very sturdy. I planned to use nails that were approximately 9″ long as fasteners. I had recently acquired an Estwing 24 or 26-ounce framing hammer, and man was I ever proud of that thing. Once I started, that hammer was making me prouder by the swing, but as the day wore on and I’d swung that hammer a few thousand times, fatigue started to set in. As I swung horizontally at one of those nails, the hammer slipped through my tired grip and flew through the front window of our house. I can still see the curtain bunch up suddenly as it intercepted the hammer’s path toward the back wall of our living room. In hindsight, a drill and screws would have been a better option for this job, but I had a Hammer, the Hammer.
As I relate all this to life, I see a close correlation to parenting, fathering in particular. When I was growing up, it seemed like most Dads had just traded in their Caveman clubs for hammers. When you needed fatherly advice you got the old Hammer treatment, a stern “NO!” And God forbid, you ask why. That brought out the trusty standby “Because I Said so!”
My dad loved us very much I have no doubt, but he was not the best communicator. On top of being a man of few words, he also had this idea that if he complimented anyone that they would end up doing something to make him regret it and he’d end up disappointed. I don’t think, he thought this, I know he did, he told me, more than once. So everyone had to guess what Daddy was thinking. I suppose it was easier to tell if he wasn’t pleased. Please, don’t take any of this the wrong way, I loved him dearly, and he was a great dad to me. That was a different time in history, and I believe he did his best, the best way he knew how.
I made some of the same mistakes with my Kids. “No” was easier than doing something I didn’t want to do. But then a wise and Godly man told me that I should say “yes” to my children as often as I could. He said, there will be so many times you will have to say “no” that you need to say “yes” all that you can.
I can’t say I was a perfect dad after that, but I believe it helped me to be a better dad.
Parenting is an “on the fly” kind of activity, that is often clouded by our insecurities. Also by the “I’ve got to feed these little people” and “Oh Lord don’t let me mess them up too bad” kind of thoughts.
To Young Dads I’d say:
Teach your kids about God, who He is, how much they need Him and keep them in church.
Then, don’t rush things, breathe, stop and think about every situation before you answer. Don’t sweat the small stuff and most of all, let them be Kids!
Think about the answer before you give it.
What impact could this have on their wellbeing?
What is wrong with it? What is right with it?
Can they learn from it? Good things or Bad?
Is it going to hurt anything? Is it going to hurt them? Then if you need to say no, Say No.
Every situation doesn’t require the Hammer. Take the time to dig around in the Ol’ Toolbox. Find the “just right” tool for this situation. Sometimes it may be discipline, others a kind word, sometimes a hug and others a “get back out there and stand up for yourself.” Tempering every situation with Love and Prayer, lots and lots of Prayer.
And also, realizing that if you only have a Hammer in your toolbox, your Heavenly Father has every tool possible and in Him, they are at your disposal.
And finally, your kids are yours, God gave them to you. You may not have known about toolboxes and hammers before. You may have made some mistakes, you may have made some bad mistakes. Make a promise to yourself and to God to fix it. I don’t recommend making that promise to your kids because they’ll be devastated if you slip up. And you may have made promises before that didn’t work out.
Just let God fix you and let them learn it from your actions. Be as available to them as you can, Apologize for your mistakes, give them space and a reason to trust you. Trust in the Lord, Pray, Pray, Pray, lean on good people for help, and be a Dad.
Happy Fathers day and God Bless You Richly
Greg
The Swimming Axehead 
Well spoken! Backed up with experience!
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